Whiskey to Wine Read online

  He should, but he had to admit, it felt good, that goofy grin, how he could see the man he’d fallen in love with, so long ago.

  Not that he was still in love. He just—Bleu was like whiskey, burning him to the ground.

  He didn’t need that shit. He didn’t want to burn. He wanted a lover who…. Hell, he didn’t know. He wanted a lover, he guessed. Not a business thing like Phil. Someone who was into him, all the way.

  Ryan took his pie back to his cabin. He would eat it in bed. In his underwear, blaring AC/DC. So there.

  Fuck, please let this week be over. Soon.

  Chapter Five

  BLEU was up and out before Dan even twitched, heading out to walk Floyd and then find the kitchen. He wanted to make snowballs and a snowman. He wanted bacon. He needed coffee.

  He grinned a little because it was snowing again, fat, wet flakes that hit him like tiny snowballs themselves.

  He could smell bread and hear warm laughter, and it drew him right up to the kitchen door. “Hello?”

  “Hey!” That was Geoff, opening the door so a warm flush of yeasty air hit him. “Come on in! You need an arm?”

  “Please. Am I bothering?” Is there coffee?

  “Not one bit. I have everything you need to warm up.” Geoff came down opposite Floyd and let him hold on up the stairs.

  “Oh, good. I was up and looking for trouble.”

  “Already? You’re early.”

  “I know!” He had to laugh, but it was true. He loved being out here, somewhere he could explore.

  “You want coffee?” Geoff was still chuckling with him.

  “God, please. Yes. I’d love one.”

  “Cream and sugar or Reese’s creamer?”

  “Ooh. Reese’s, please. I love peanut butter. Love it.” He found a chair and pulled it out to sit. “This one okay?”

  “Perfect. Here you go.” Geoff set a cup in front of him and, unselfconsciously, took his hand and put it on the handle.

  “Thank you.” He brought the cup up to his mouth, inhaling to test the heat. Oh, that smelled like heaven.

  “No problem. I’m kinda still making bread, but if you’re hungry, I can whip something up.”

  “No. No, this is fine. I wanted”—company—“to visit.”

  “Coolios.” Geoff hummed, and the scrape of a chair sounded. “I can sit a minute. Yay!”

  “I’m not bothering you, am I? It’s still snowing. I can’t believe how deep it is.” The Texan in him was still losing his mind.

  “Not a bit. It’s just so high up here, but I bet the ski folks are tickled.” Geoff sipped his coffee, which probably wouldn’t make a sound to anyone else.

  “I bet. Do you ski?” He was going to try. He couldn’t wait.

  “Me? God no. I started to learn when I was five. Broke my kneecap hitting a tree.”

  “Oh. Oh, ow. That sounds awful!” He’d broken… well, quite a few bones, honestly. Sometimes he fell.

  “It kinda made me not want to again. I’m a wicked tuber, though.” Geoff snort-laughed. “Not a potato. Inner-tubing.”

  “Inner… on the snow?” Oh. Oh, that sounded so fun.

  “Yes! OMG, we should go. I have a five-man inner tube. We can do it together. Quartz loves it.”

  “Yes. Yes, please. Please. I want to.” He nodded eagerly. “I’ve been tubing on the river. I loved that. I went river rafting in Taos too.” That had scared Dan to death.

  “Oh, I love that. My sister did rafting guide stuff with Quartz’s mom in the summers.”

  “Hey, Geoff. Rumor is you have coffee.” The voice was like whiskey over gravel. Damn. Ryan.

  “I do!” Geoff’s chair scraped back. “Remind me, Ryan?”

  “He drinks it black.” The words escaped him.

  “Right.” Geoff didn’t even question it.

  “You mind, Bleu?” Ryan asked softly.

  “Have a seat. It smells good in here, doesn’t it?” He could be a decent guy, see? Cool.

  “It does. I love fresh bread.”

  “I want to make breakfast sandwiches for the main dining room. Is it okay to test them on you guys?” Geoff asked.

  “Sounds amazing. What’s in a breakfast sandwich?”

  “We haff options,” Geoff said with some weird accent no one could ever figure out. “Sausage, egg, and cheese; bacon, egg, and cheese; tofu scramble; or veggie frittata patties.”

  “Bacon, egg, and cheese for me, please.” That sounded great. He was careful to be still, to focus on his coffee.

  “Me too.” Ryan made a happy noise. “I love a breakfast sandwich.”

  He’d want the sausage, back in their day, but Bleu thought Ryan was a professional athlete these days. Was bacon better for you than sausage? If Ryan was that worried, he would have gone for frittata, right? Or was that too much carb?

  The door opened, cold air pouring in for a moment. “Woo! It is snowing like crazy!” That was Stoney, laughing and slapping his hat against his jeans, from the sound of it.

  “It snowed on me!” He had to laugh. “Did you know there is snow tubing? Geoff’s going to take me! Can someone spare a few minutes to make a snowman with me?”

  “I bet Quartz would be happy to, and Sam said he wanted to. He’s a Texan like us.”

  “You’ll like him, Bleu. He’s a nice kid,” Ryan said.

  “Cool. I like Texans, even though I’m a New Mexican now.” He’d basically embraced his inner Santa Fean.

  “Yeah. Me too,” Stoney said. “Well, Coloradan. But I love my life.”

  “All the Californians are moving to Texas. We have to go somewhere.”

  “Yep.” Stoney sat, so he must have been fixing coffee. “Y’all are up early.”

  “Am I? I know I beat Dan up.” He touched his watch, and it said, “Seven forty-five.” “Wow.”

  “I was ready to get out in the snow,” Ryan said. “It’s epic out there.”

  He wanted to go play too. He was going to learn how to ski. He wouldn’t say that out loud, because damn, who wanted to talk about learning how to ski with a champion?

  Ryan could do it all, and his one major sadness with Ryan was he would never get to see Ryan ski or snowboard.

  He imagined it was like hard, fast sex, really going for it hammer and tongs. That, he did know. With Ryan.

  Okay. Okay, no thinking about hard and fast anything. Last thing on earth he needed was to get wood here, now.

  “Do you want to have breakfast here, boss, or are you going to eat with the guests?”

  “I’m going to eat in here. I got to check the horses, and then I’m heading out on the snowmobile to look at the back pasture. I want to give it a look-see.”

  “Something weird?” Geoff asked.

  “Nah. Just a lot of snow. We had some late calves, and I want to check on everyone.”

  “In other words, he wants to get out and play.” Ford’s voice was filled with warmth, humor, love. “Hey, baby.” There was the distinct sound of a pecked kiss. They were adorable.

  “Hey, mister. Coffee?”

  “Please.”

  That was what he’d thought he wanted, what he’d had with Dan. It had bored him to death.

  Geoff placed a plate in front of him. “Bread is still warm. Sandwich and fruit.”

  He reached out, tracing the edge of the plate. He felt a warmth on his arm, then heard, “Sandwich is in halves at nine, fruit is at three.”

  “Thank you.” That shouldn’t make him shivery. Not one bit. It made him think of so many intimate meals with Ryan, though, so many naked times. Stop it. Be good. Stop it right now.

  He reached for his sandwich, needing to do something, anything. Thank God for having something to do with his mouth.

  Was Ryan looking at him? Watching him? Wanting him?

  “So, Ryan, are you gonna hit the slopes?” Ford asked.

  “Yeah, I think I am. It’s too good to pass up.”

  “Tanner’s running a group to the lifts in an hour. You’re welcome to ride with.”

  “Yeah? Thanks, Ford. Does your Dan ski, Bleu?”

  “He goes up once or twice a year with clients, yeah.” At least that was what he thought. Who knew? Dan was cagey.

  “Cool. You ever gonna try it?” Ryan didn’t sound ironic or mean. Just curious.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I totally am. I want to try everything.” He loved finding out new things.

  “Very cool. Try tubing with Geoff first. It will really give you a feel for how cold it is up there, and how fast you’re going.” Stoney didn’t sound worried at all. “Then we’ll go snowmobiling.”

  “Yeah? Y’all rock. Don’t tell Dan. He’ll be all weird.”

  “Worries too much, does he?” Ryan chuckled. “I’m surprised you haven’t bopped him on the nose.”

  “He’s not the type.” He had to grin, though, because he’d thought about it, once or twice, when they were still together.

  “What type is he?” Now Ryan was sounding serious. And a little mad.

  “Uh… classy, I guess. High dollar.” Not like him. He was a talented, happy, wealthy goddamn redneck.

  “Oh.” Ryan relaxed, and he could literally feel it. What the heck?

  He itched to reach out, touch Ryan’s face and look. He actually reached out before he realized what he was doing and yanked his hand back, knocking over his coffee and upending his plate.

  “Whoops!” Geoff was there with a towel, helping him mop up. “Let me get you more coffee, huh? Sandwich in five.”

  “You okay?” Ryan asked.

  “I—I’m going to go. I’m sorry, Geoff. I don’t need another sandwich.” He grabbed for Floyd’s harness, his cheeks flaming. Way to show how competent you are to the ex, Bleu.

  He made it to the door, then stopped at the stairs, worried he would splat on his face in the snow.

  “Hey.” Ryan was right there, hand warm on his arm again. “No one is upset. It was an accident. I get it if you want to go, but don’t run off on my account, huh?” Gently but firmly, Ryan steered him and Floyd in a circle.

  “I just… I haven’t done that in a long time.” No wonder Dan didn’t want to eat in the dining room with him. He was still a bit of a disaster.

  “Is it me? The main dining room is about to open. I can head over there and have my second cup of coffee.”

  “No. I mean, I….” He stopped, forced himself to relax and let his tension out with a laugh. He wasn’t a kid anymore; he could do this. Brutal honesty, right? “You still make me stupid. I wanted to look at you, and I don’t have the right to anymore.”

  “Anytime you want to, Bleu. I’m not as much of an asshole as I was. I hope.”

  “None of us are.” He reached up, lips parting as he let himself explore. There was a new scar next to Ryan’s lip and there were laugh lines now, but the sharp cheekbones were the same, and so was the long nose. The bump at the bridge was more pronounced.

  “I broke it again,” Ryan admitted when Bleu lingered.

  “How?” Oh, Ryan’s hair was long now, like his.

  “I face-planted on a jump. Came off the rail, landed too far forward, and boom. Broke my helmet, broke my nose.” Ryan chuckled, the sound warm.

  “Damn, baby.”

  “What on earth are you doing out here in the snow without a coat?” Dan’s voice shocked the hell out of him.

  “Did I forget my coat?” He damn near slipped off the steps, he jumped so hard. Floyd pulled him back to safety. “I was just getting coffee.”

  “Don’t you snarl at him,” Ryan snapped. “His coat is inside.”

  “Well, you’ve made a mess of yourself, I can tell. You’re covered in coffee. You didn’t burn yourself, did you?”

  “No. No.” God. “I’m going to change.”

  “Would you like me to bring you a plate of breakfast? I’m going to eat in the dining room.”

  “No, thank you. I’m going to make snowmen with Quartz. I’ll change.”

  “Bleu… think of your hands.”

  “Uh-huh.” He knew, but he could live with a little arthritis for an afternoon of play.

  “Well, you holler if you need me, huh?” Dan sighed, but Bleu knew it was fond. He could tell.

  “I will.”

  Dan trudged off, his boots cracking the snow crust.

  “Is he abusing you, babe?” Ryan asked it baldly.

  “Dan? Dan couldn’t hurt a spider. He’s just….” Worried about appearances and about mess and about illness and about everything. “He’s just particular, and I’m not.”

  “Particular, huh. You don’t even eat together.”

  “No, it makes him uncomfortable.” For obvious reasons, he guessed. “You should remember that. You worried about having to take care of a blind man.”

  That put some steel in him, let him think again, remember that he wasn’t helpless. He lived on his own. He was okay.

  “I did.” Ryan stepped back, letting him go. “I’ll get your coat.”

  “No worries. I’ll get it on the way back. I have to de-funkify myself.” See him, see him be a reasonable guy, be calm and good-natured when what he wanted was to tackle Ryan.

  “You okay to get to your cabin?”

  “Floyd knows the way now.”

  “Hey! Here’s your coat, Bleu, and I wrapped you up another sandwich.” Geoff saved him from utter stupidity.

  “Thank you. Can you tell Stoney—” What? What, stand here in front of your “I don’t want to be saddled with Bleu” ex and ask whether the twelve-year-old could come out to play with him? Christ. “—to have fun on the snowmobile. I’ll see y’all later.”

  “I’ll tell him.” Geoff pressed a kiss to his cheek before pushing a bag into his free hand.

  “Thanks. Come on, Floyd.” Floyd took him down the steps without killing either of them, and they blundered off through the snow. God, he was a fool. “Please, God,” he whispered. “Let me get to the cabin without falling or something. Let me seem like I’m not an idiot.”

  It was the little victories in life, and this one worked. Floyd led him right to the correct door. He smelled Dan’s cologne when he stepped inside.

  Bleu inhaled deep, the scent comforting, gentle, classy. “Why couldn’t I be in love with you, honey?”

  He shook his head, letting Floyd go to his bed in the corner before devouring the sandwich Geoff had sent. Might as well before he changed. Oh, yum.

  Bleu stripped his shirt off and found an old, soft T-shirt and a cozy sweatshirt. There. Better. Now, he needed long johns under his jeans, right? Denim was the death fabric in snow. He’d learned that in Santa Fe.

  He was lacing his hikers back on when a soft knock sounded at his door.

  “Hello? Come in.”

  “Mr. Bleu? Daddy said I could come ask if you wanted to play. I love snowmen.” Quartz slipped in, and Floyd’s tail began to thump on the floor. Quartz had a real way with animals.

  “Yeah? You do? I want to make some, so bad.”

  “I totally do! Oh my gosh, no one ever makes them with me but Geoff, and he’s so busy today making stuff for when all the skiers get here.”

  “Let’s go, then. We’ll make a bunch.” God knew, he was sort of incredibly qualified, right?

  “Do you need help finding anything? Gloves and stuff? Geoff says you’re going tubing tomorrow. He says he has a fartbag for you.”

  “A what?” His gloves were in his coat.

  “A fartbag. That’s what Geoff calls a one-piece snowsuit.”

  “Oh.” He started chuckling, tickled pink. “Dude. I like that. Where’s the best place to do this snowman thing?”

  “I’ll take you. There’s a great place in the yard where there’s no horse poop and not much dog poop. I’ll clean that up real fast.”

  “Fair enough. Let’s make this happen. What kind of snowmen do you want?”

  “I—is it gonna be weird if I say like Calvin and Hobbes? I read Daddy’s books. They were all like horror ones. Dinosaurs eating people. Giant snow heads eating little snow people.”

  He loved how Quartz never assumed he knew what things looked like. Quartz was so good at explaining.

  “Oh, we can totally do that. Completely.”

  “We can!” Quartz whooped. “Okay. You need a hat too. Your head will get all wet.”

  “Right. Do you see one, man? It’s got a poof on top.”

  “I do! Here it is.” Quartz handed it to him.

  “Let’s do this.” He fastened his coat and took Quartz’s arm. “Lead the way.”

  This was way more fun than staying in and pouting.

  Chapter Six

  RYAN decided not to go skiing up at the slopes. He needed more workout than fun, so after he suited up at his cabin, he headed out to ask Ford about cross-country skis.

  He got hooked up and headed out into the forest to get his shit together. God, he’d damn near lost it when Bleu had touched him, looked at him. He was still… even after all this time and that disastrous relationship with Phil, he wanted Bleu.

  He pushed up a hill so he could coast down the other side. Yeah, that was working muscles he might have forgotten he had. God, he needed to do this more often. Get out and work on stamina instead of speed.

  Not that he was ever competing again. Ever. But he needed to remember there was more to life than downhilling and shit.

  God, it was beautiful up here. Quiet. Still. There were tracks everywhere. Deer. Birds and rabbits. Maybe a big cat, if he wasn’t mistaken.

  He leaned against a tree, sucking water and taking a rest. He was going to have to come up again, maybe tomorrow.

  Maybe the day after. His muscles would need rest. He checked his watch. Shit, he had almost an hour’s ski back to the ranch.

  He turned his music on for the ski back, letting the tracks drive him down the mountain. He coasted some of the way, which was good, tucked down with his poles up. Then he found places where the still-falling snow was so powdery he almost sank, and he had to power through.

  When he broke through the trees, he stopped short, trying to understand what he was looking at.

  Monsters.

  Dozens of snow monsters.

  He chuckled, and that became a full-on, if breathless, laugh. Oh, look at that. There was a minotaur chasing a whole herd of mini cows. A giant yeti. A tiny set of snowmen running in terror from a giant rolling boulder….