Soft Place to Fall Read online

  Stetson looked at him, gave him a nod and an expression that was all about regrets.

  Curtis wanted to reach for Stetson’s hand, but he didn’t have the right to do that now. Hadn’t had that for a long damn time. This wasn’t about them, and there was no fucking them, was there?

  There hadn’t been.

  What there was didn’t have even embers left. They weren’t even friends. Stetson had wanted a househusband to move cattle through the high desert scrub, and Curtis had wanted a traveling partner. Neither one of them had gotten what they wanted.

  Fuck, neither of them had wanted a single thing they might have had with anyone, in reality. Neither of them had been ready to compromise.

  He took a deep breath when they paused outside a room with the label written in black Sharpie. Major. This was real, then.

  “It’s all right.” Stetson opened the door and stuck his head in. “Momma? Momma, Curtis came to visit you.”

  “Curtis? Get your ass in here!”

  She sounded so normal, but shock slapped him in the face when Curtis saw her. She couldn’t have weighed more than a bird, and her face held deep lines carved into it.

  “Curtis! Why haven’t you come to see me? I know Stetson’s been missing you like a lost tooth. Silly rodeo man, always on the road. You remind me of my husband, forever running after something. Did you meet him yet?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He hoped that would work as an answer for anything. Curtis walked over to the bed so he could kiss her cheek. “I sure did miss you too.”

  “Bless you, sweet boy. It’s so good to see you.”

  He smiled for her, even if it strained his cheeks. You didn’t go to hell for this type of lying, right? “That sure is a pretty nightgown.”

  “Thank you. I hate that you have to see me in bed. I’m going home soon. Stetson promises I’ll only be here a bit longer. I have to get my strength up, you know?”

  “That’s it. They’ll have you lifting weights and running laps soon.” God, her cheeks had hollowed out, her little touches of blush and lipstick bright as hell against her pale skin. Where was the sunbaked lady he’d known so well, hale and hearty and giving a whole ranch full of men and critters hell?

  He kept looking at Stetson, but the man might as well have been a pillar of salt, he stood so still and silent. That face seemed carved out of a block of granite. Expressionless. Jesus.

  He sat next to Betty and took her hand. “Should I tell you all about my season?”

  “Please. I want to hear everything. Everything about your life. I knew that Stetson would end up with a rodeo man. It was inevitable. He was born to it. The only thing he got from me.”

  Curtis glanced at Stetson again. Once upon a time they would have laughed at her saying something like that. Now it didn’t seem funny at all. “You know it. We’re irresistible, us circuit guys.”

  “Yes. Yes, free and easy and the best friends you’ll ever have.” She was beginning to blink slowly, maybe getting sleepy. “Tell me about it, Curtis.”

  He started telling stories, hoping she wouldn’t remember what season he’d been on when she last saw him. He thought maybe she simply wanted to hear his voice.

  In ten minutes she was sound asleep, and Stetson came over to lower the head of the bed before dimming the lights, then kissing her cheek. “Night, Momma.”

  Curtis gently let go of Betty’s hand. He waited for Stetson, not sure what to say, what to do. He couldn’t think of a worse thing to happen to someone like Miz Betty, and she was the cornerstone of Stetson’s life.

  Stetson went to the door and waited for him, then closed it. “Thank you for coming out. She’s been asking for you for eons.”

  “Not a problem. I can stay for a few days. I just need to know her schedule, maybe know what to look for if I’m upsetting her.” He ached to touch Stetson, to comfort the man he’d spent so much time with, had once known so well. It wasn’t his place, though. This wasn’t real, except for the fact that a good woman was dying too young.

  “Yeah? She’s in and out a lot, but she’d welcome you being there.” Stetson nodded to a nurse, who offered him a smile.

  “See you tomorrow, Stetson.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Stetson tilted his hat to a petite Hispanic nurse. “Have a good night.”

  They walked outside together, and Stetson pulled out a pack of smokes.

  “Thought you quit,” Curtis murmured.

  “I did.” Stetson lit up, drawing deep. The man had a mustache now, a scruff that was more a day or two without shaving than a beard. “Let me get you a hotel room, and then I’ll feed you.”

  “Sounds good. I looked into a couple three places, but I got my flight so fast I didn’t have time to reserve a thing.”

  “There’s a nice one with kitchenettes and stuff right close.” Stetson got on his phone and bing, bam, boom, Curtis had a room. “You got it for as long as you need it. I texted you the confirmation.”

  “Thanks.” He chuckled. “Food and sleep are important.”

  “Come on. There’s a diner right down the way. You want to follow me?”

  “Sure thing.” He wanted to shake Stetson, tell him to smile, but Curtis just waved him on, heading for the rental. That wasn’t his place, and it wasn’t a bit fair to want something for his sake and not Stetson’s.

  Stetson climbed into a dark pickup, and Curtis shook his head. Stetson moved like an old man. He wasn’t. He was fixin’ to be twenty-nine, but Curtis guessed that didn’t matter. Shit like this with Betty, it aged a man.

  Curtis got the truck started, waiting for Stetson to lead before sliding out into the light traffic. Small for a capital city, was Santa Fe.

  The diner was tiny—just a hole-in-the-wall that he’d never go to on his own—but Stetson pulled in and headed for the door like the way was built into his muscles.

  The place did smell like heaven. Red meat and bacon, chile and bread. Okay, Curtis could get behind anything this yummy no matter what it looked like on the outside. He settled into the booth across from Stetson and took off his hat.

  “Stetson, honey. How’s Mama?” The waitress was as round as she was tall, her long black braid shining in the artificial light.

  “She has her good days and bad days. Coffee and whatever this yahoo wants.”

  Curtis smiled at the lady, whose name tag read Minnie. “Coffee please, ma’am.”

  “You got it.” She reached out and squeezed Stetson’s shoulder.

  Stetson sat there, looking at him, staring at him like he was a mirage or something. The silence stretched until he thought it would snap, Stetson barely even blinking.

  “Hey,” Curtis finally said. “I’m glad you called me.”

  “Liar. I appreciate you coming. Momma needed to see you. She was tickled.”

  What about you, Stetson? Did you need to see me too? If she hadn’t asked for me, would you have ever once unbent enough to call?

  Curtis grabbed the coffee Minnie set in front of him, sipped to keep from saying it out loud. It was a crazy, stupid thought and would only lead to madness. “She’s in a bad way, huh?”

  “Apparently it gets worse, but yeah. She ain’t never going home.”

  “Lord.” He had no idea what to say. None. “I—who’s working the ranch?”

  “I got Mr. Butler feeding for me three days a week and José Garzas doing it the rest. I get home once every three nights or so.”

  “Uh-huh.” He studied that lined face carefully. “When was the last time you slept?”

  “Oh, I get rest.” Ah, Stetson, the master of the nonanswer answer.

  “That ain’t what I asked.” The “baby” almost slipped out, and he hadn’t called anyone that in damned near eight years. No one. Hell, he could count on one hand the men he’d spent the night with….

  “I don’t know. I drove out to the ranch last night, and they called me at six saying she was needing me.”

  “That’s what? Two hours each way?” Shit. He was taking the
couch and making Stetson sleep on the bed.

  “Yeah. Don’t worry. I got the horse trailer here.”

  “The horse—shit no. You come stay at my hotel room.”

  No way his Stetson was staying in a goddamn horse trailer. What the ever-loving fuck? It was cold, even for Santa Fe, and a man could chill his bones clear to breaking. Wait. Stop that shit. This wasn’t his anything. He was here for Betty. Still, Curtis wouldn’t leave a dog out in the cold, would he? No, sir.

  “You already put yourself out, Curtis. Coming out.”

  “Uh-huh. It’s one of them kitchenette places? Then it will have a sofa. I may not share a room much anymore, but God knows I’m still used to a bunch of snoring guys.” That was that.

  More coffee came, and Stetson drank deep, not even doctoring it. The man usually took cream and two sugars. Damn.

  “So, what’s good here?” Curtis asked.

  “The enchiladas. The mole bowl.”

  “Hmm.” He glanced at the menu. “Ever try the green chile cheeseburger with the fried egg?”

  “I have. The green chile rocks right now.”

  “I’ll go with that, then.” He was starving. He’d missed out on a couple of meals somewhere along the line. He usually flew first class these days, but trading in his ticket, he’d had to go coach on this short hop, and then he’d hit Albuquerque at a crap time to stop.

  “I’m going to have a burger, I think.”

  “Sounds good.” They ordered, and Curtis went ahead and got the appetizer basket too. Onion rings, fried cheese, more fries. Stetson needed to eat.

  Hell, Stetson needed to talk. The hard-assed son of a bitch was wound so tight he was fixin’ to explode.

  Curtis waited until Minnie left them again before leaning his elbows on the table. “How long has she been down here?”

  “Uh… it’s been almost three years since I couldn’t let her be alone. A tad less than two since she’s been… in a place like this.” Stetson wouldn’t meet his eyes. “She wants to stay home, but I couldn’t keep her safe at the ranch. I tried to, but I couldn’t.”

  “Of course you couldn’t.” He wondered if other folks had blamed him or if Stetson just blamed himself. No one was harder on Stetson than Stetson Major.

  “You been riding good this year.”

  It sent a little jolt through him, just to know that Stetson had been following him. “I’ve been working hard. Thank God Finals are almost here.” He was ready for a break. He wasn’t old, but he was getting long in the tooth for all-around cowboying. Even if he only rode two events at some places now, it was still a hell of a beating his body was taking every week.

  “Yeah. Yeah, it’s late in the season.”

  “Yep. The Stampede was my last one going in to NFR, but I don’t need the points.”

  “I’m sorry for calling, but I didn’t have a choice. She don’t remember.”

  “No, I can see that.” There’d been a shitton of times for Stetson to drop him a line, and it had taken a sick old woman crying to get him to pick up the phone. Sorry for calling. Fucker. “You know I love your mom.” Thing was, love had never been the problem.

  “I do. She loves you dearly. She always did. Didn’t talk to me for six months after we split up.”

  “Wow.” Considering Stetson and his mom lived together on the ranch, that was saying something. Miz Betty sure could be stubborn. “I’m sorry.” He kept saying it.

  “Eh.” Stetson waved one gnarled, tanned-to-leather hand. “Happens. No big thing.”

  Uh-huh. Except he knew better.

  Stetson hadn’t been calm and cool before it was all over. Neither of them had been. Lord, what a knock-down, drag-out that had turned out to be. They’d called each other everything but lover. Hell, he’d driven off with a shotgun shell hole in the tailgate of his pickup.

  Curtis grinned a little. “I was bruised for a week after that one fight.”

  “Yeah. I ain’t sorry for that.” He got a slow wink.

  “I bet not. You had a hell of a right cross.” He’d put Stetson up against anyone in a brawl. Man could throw, and take, a punch.

  “Still do.”

  Jesus Christ on a Popsicle stick. That was a smile.

  The expression gave him a warm glow in his lower body, and he had a stern, totally mental talking-to with his privates.

  He wanted to just…. Hell, he wanted to take Stetson, beat the living fuck out of the son of a bitch, then swoop him away and hold the man until everything was better. He knew that Stetson wouldn’t thank him for it, that was for sure. Hell, he wasn’t sure he’d thank himself for it. Fact was, he was still a rodeo man and always would be, and Lord knew Stetson had precious little respect for that kind of life. Still, there had always been something about Stetson, some deep calling that made him want to grab on tight.

  Their food came before he could start making grand gestures, though, and damn, that cheeseburger tasted like heaven on a plate. The app basket came out with the food, but they dug into it anyway.

  Stetson ate like he was starving, like there was a hole in him that needed to be filled.

  Curtis reckoned there was. If he could give Stetson a real meal and a good night’s sleep, then he’d accomplished something no one else had in what looked like months.

  Stetson’s phone rang, and the man jumped, expression going all worried. He grabbed it, looked at it, then sighed. “Just a telemarketer.”

  How bad did your life have to suck that you dreaded a phone call? Curtis held out his hand, and Stetson handed over the phone, seeming a little surprised that he had. Curtis tucked it into his pocket. “I’ll pull call duty tonight.”

  “What? I—I didn’t mean for you to—I’m just—” Stetson appeared damn near panicked, but Curtis knew how to deal with an emergency situation, if nothing else. He’d spent a good amount of his life in one dumbass emergency after another. He was a Texan and a cowboy, after all. They only came in dumbass.

  “Shh. Easy. Please, cowboy. Just be easy for a second,” Curtis said.

  “I don’t remember how,” Stetson confessed, looking hangdog as all get-out.

  “I’ll try to help.” Curtis waved a french fry. “You want dessert? That pie might be calling my name.” A case stood up front with three kinds of pie, all perfect and creamy.

  “The pie here is stellar, but I’ll have the sopapillas.”

  “Oh.” Oh God, how long had it been since he’d had fried dough with honey? “Yes, please.”

  Stetson chuckled softly. “Been too long since that was a standard, huh?”

  Lord, yes. What passed as home for him nowadays was the Western Slope, where it was way more Midwestern than Southwesty. Meat and potatoes and plenty of pie. Sopapillas were Stetson. New Mexico and good memories. “I forgot how good they are here.”

  “We know chiles and fry bread if we don’t know anything else.”

  “No shit.” Denver could claim green chile all they wanted. Curtis knew better. “Two orders of sopapillas, please,” he asked Minnie.

  “You got it.” She took the plates and refreshed their coffees.

  “Better?” Curtis asked. He knew from stress, and sometimes powering through a big meal could blunt the panic, the terrible ache inside.

  “Yeah. I haven’t been on regular mealtimes, you know. Running.”

  “I bet.” How weird was this? Awkward mainly because it felt like old times, as if he’d never been gone. Yet this was a different man across from him.

  Stetson’s eyes had gone old. There were little lines at the corners, a scar splitting one eyebrow that hadn’t been there before. There wasn’t a hint of gray—Stetson wasn’t even thirty yet, why would there be?—but if he saw Stetson in the stands at an event, he would have pegged the man at fifty, maybe fifty-five.

  They lapsed into silence for a few moments, both of them thinking too hard for this time of night. The sopapillas came out and saved them, piping hot pockets of fried golden perfection.

  The honey was th
ick and smooth, and he groaned as he bit into the sweet. So good.

  When he glanced at Stetson again, the man watched him like he was Christmas morning presents under the tree on Christmas Eve.

  “They’re good,” he said, licking his lips clean.

  “They are.”

  “You haven’t even had one yet.”

  Stetson glanced down at the basket of bread and flushed. “Right.”

  He didn’t even feel ashamed of the jolt of pleasure that gave him. He wanted Stetson to see him, to miss him, dammit. To want him. Even if it was a lie.

  They’d burned brighter than a bonfire on New Year’s together. Good to know a spark still existed, because as many other guys as he’d tried on for size, none burned him to the ground like Stetson had.

  Stetson was his one true thing, and Curtis knew it. Too bad they just… hadn’t worked. He munched another sopapilla to keep from saying something, anything, stupid.

  “I don’t know what to say to you. I just want to keep thanking you. Momma’s been excited all day. She even got her hair done.”

  “Well, I’ll hang around and see her some more. Just spend a little time. Is there anything else I don’t mention besides your dad and us breaking up?” Curtis wanted to keep missteps to a dull roar.

  “There’s no way to know. Some days she’s clearer than others, but sometimes I’ll mention one of the dogs and she won’t remember. Sometimes there’s nothing that calms her down.”

  “Okay.” The weight of that had to be huge on Stetson. Curtis could help him carry it for a few days, at least. “Well, I got your back for as long as I can stay.”

  “I’ll pay for the hotel and to get you wherever too. I just…. Even just one more visit would be amazing.”

  He reached out with his sticky hand and covered one of Stetson’s. “I don’t hate you, Stetson, and your mom is the best lady I’ve ever known. I’ll do anything I can. You ready to go put your feet up?”

  Stetson nodded. “I guess I’d better, yeah.”

  “You know where this hotel is? I can follow again.”

  “I do. Yeah. Come on, cowboy.”

  Stetson rose, but Curtis grabbed the bill before Stetson could touch it. Medical bills sucked, and Miz Betty couldn’t be on Medicare yet. Medicaid, maybe, but neither of those covered everything.