Fighting Addiction Page 13

Bev looked at him, looked at Seb, looked back. “Call me if you need me?”

  He did love that woman.

  Seb nodded. “Sure, Bev. Sure.”

  He watched Seb head back to the weight equipment, the treadmill, the scale, the damned numbers. It made him a little crazy, made him want to snatch the man up physically and run off. That wasn’t going to solve shit right now, though, and he was a fucking master of solving shit.

  Markus was getting better and better at it.

  Bev touched his arm. “Jack asked him if he was fat. I know it. He gained three pounds.”

  Shit, the man could put on fifty pounds and look good. “Jack and I are fixin’ to have a war.” The man had to know Seb was unhealthy. Had to.

  “I…. Yeah. Seb and I need to talk about the money. I…. We just do.”

  “Your money? Is Jack stiffing you, baby girl?” Okay, Markus was going to eat the man’s face.

  “Not me. Sebastian pays me.” Her eyes cut to him, something real worried in them. “But… things are different than they have been.”

  “Okay. I’ll ease him into it today.” If someone was cheating Seb, Markus would take them down. Period. Sebastian was the most generous man Markus knew. No one had to take him to the cleaners; they just had to ask.

  “Just get food into him. He’s not fat.”

  “I will.” He gave her a hug, needing to let her know how much he appreciated what she did for Seb.

  “I’ll get your laundry delivered and your boots shined while I’m out.”

  “Thanks, honey.”

  She walked out, and Markus squared his shoulders and his jaw, gearing up for battle.

  The fucking treadmill was going ninety to nothing, Seb’s head down, sweat covering the muscled body. Markus knew he couldn’t just unplug it, but he was sure tempted. Then he grinned. He just needed to get a guitar.

  There was something that Seb needed, even more than breath, more than pills or running or sweating, and Markus knew it. Shit, he was right there.

  He found an old acoustic propped up against the wall and started strumming, sinking down on the couch. The rhythm on the treadmill stuttered, and he grinned. Oh yeah. Now he just needed to find a new hook. A melody Seb hadn’t heard before.

  It took him about five minutes, but he knew when he got it, because the treadmill slowed to a crawl. Come on, baby. You know you want it.

  Sure enough, Seb’s face appeared in the doorway. “What’s that?”

  “Huh? Oh, just twiddling.” Still, it was a good melody.

  “Oh.” Seb wiped himself down, padding closer. “Can I hear it again?”

  Score.

  “Sure, baby.” Markus picked it out again, humming along.

  “I like that.” Seb picked up another one of the guitars. “Can I?”

  “Hell, yes. We collaborate well.”

  There was a plate of cold cuts, cheese, fruit in the fridge, and he’d grab it during the bridge, while they beat out the lyrics. First they needed a hook. Seb picked up the melody, dropped it half a step, and fuck, pure gold sex. They had a smooth, sweet song, and all they had to do was drop in lyrics.

  “Mmm. How about a hook like… you got to know the rules?”

  “Oh, I like it.” There were a hell of a lot of rules floating around. It had endless possibilities.

  “Yeah.” Like magic, they were going, playing and laughing, scribbling down lyrics and beating out rhythms. It was easy to get lost in the swing of it, in the rightness of this. Markus forgot everything but the music and how inextricable Seb was from it these days.

  He stood up while they were working on the bridge, grabbed two bottles of juice and the tray, put it down between them without fanfare. Seb kept playing, but when he picked out the countermelody, a piece of ham disappeared, as well as some grapes, a slice of cheddar, and half the juice.

  That was the ticket. Seb just needed to be. No thinking, no worrying. Breathing.

  Being.

  They could do being. Together.

  “What do you think of switching the second and third verse?”

  Markus shook off his wandering thoughts and got back to songwriting. “Let’s try it.”

  They laid that one out, then took a break, both of them grinning like idiots. God, he loved making music with this man. Fuck, he just flat-out loved Sebastian.

  “You look at me like that, Markus, and I can’t breathe.” He got a grin. “Which, okay, isn’t true because I’m talking, but you know what I mean. It’s true.”

  “I know.” The words were right there, hanging on his lips, but he didn’t say them. Seb was the one with the mind-mouth connection. Markus chuckled. “I want you.”

  “Yeah?” Music started up again, low and easy, familiar. “Sing for me?”

  He knew that song, sunk deep in his bones, and he closed his eyes, his fingers picking out the rhythm line. “Silent Love” slid out as easy as hot butter on toast.

  Seb’s voice picked up the harmony, the sound wrapping around his own voice, making him ache. He was never going to sing this fucking song alone. Not ever again. They sang the last chorus twice, the ringing of the last chord seeming to go on forever. The silence after was almost impossible to break.

  Seb’s eyes glittered at him. “I’ve wanted that a long, long time.”

  “You have. I won’t make you wait again, baby.”

  “Okay.” Seb touched his wrist, fingertips hot, swollen from playing.

  “Oh.” The touch jolted him to his toes, his cock lifting in his sweats. “Seb.”

  He got this smile—slow and fucking wicked, like something he’d have seen ten years ago. “Yeah, Candy.”

  Markus stood, going to lock the door to the bus, not wanting Bev or Bruce to interrupt. “Come on, baby.”

  The touch to his ass was gentle, and then Seb’s cheek landed on his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

  Laughing, Markus lifted Seb up, carrying him. The man weighed next to nothing. They were going to have to figure this out. Soon. Before Seb disappeared.

  Chapter Sixteen

  SEBASTIAN SAT at his desk on the bus, staring. “What do you mean, Bev?”

  “Something’s going on with the money. I’ve tried to fix it, to figure it, and I can’t. I tried to wait until the tour was over, but….” She shrugged. “You’ve got three dates left in the biggest tour of the year. The album was number one before it released, and still, it just doesn’t add up to what you ought to have. You know?”

  “Okay. Okay.” No way. No way Jack would fuck him over. No way. They’d been together for almost a fucking decade. There was no way.

  Her face crumpled a little, but she held it together. “I’m so sorry, Seb. I mean, what if Jack isn’t the one? What if it comes from higher up? But he won’t take a meeting.”

  “Well, it doesn’t matter who it is right now. What matters is that we’ll figure it out. Good job for catching it. You rock, girl.” Sebastian was going to be sick.

  “I—did I do bad, Seb? Should I have waited?” Bev rubbed her arms, looking very small.

  “No, ma’am.” He reached out, squeezed her hand. “Lady, you’re my best friend, and I can’t do without you. You have my back, and I know it. Thank you.”

  Tears shimmered in her eyes, but she held them back, and the will it took to stop her lip quivering showed in the lines bracketing her mouth. “I love you, Seb. I’m not going to let them take advantage of you.”

  “Well, good. Now we just have to figure out what the hell to do next.”

  “Yeah. I—Markus would let us talk to his manager.”

  “Tawny? She’s not on my side, honey. Hell, she’s the reason I hired Jack on. Or Jack took me on, or something.”

  “I bet she’s sorry.” Bev grinned for him, putting a hand on his arm.

  “I bet she is.” God, his head hurt. “Okay. I need bank statements, all the things. You know.” He didn’t know what else. Bev would, though. She always had the ideas.

  “I got it. I’ll get it to you in th
e morning. Just in case Jack comes for the show.”

  “Good deal. I want everything. If we’re going to wage a war, we have to have everything in a row.” He wanted a pill. For the first time in days, he wanted one.

  “Do you need me to get anything? Should I call Markus?”

  “No. No, I can’t just run to him whenever things get weird. I’m a grown-up.” He’d been doing this on his own a long time, right?

  “Of course you are. I just—he loves you.”

  “I know.” He dropped his head in his hands. He knew.

  “I’m so sorry, Seb.” She patted his arm, and then she was gone, the door closing only a whisper of sound.

  He sat there for a long time, looking at the paperwork. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t with it enough. All he needed was to go get his pills and he could forget it all.

  And if he could forget, he wouldn’t care.

  ONE MORE show.

  They had one more show to do, and the tour was over. Markus felt like his head was in a vise, being squeezed down like someone was trying to make brain lemonade. His jaw hurt from clenching it, and he hadn’t even seen Seb today.

  He headed for Seb’s bus, the little area where they parked providing just enough privacy to slip through the diesel-soaked air. Maybe they could work out together. Maybe talk about what happened after the tour.

  Bev was running around like a ghost, flitting around with tight lips and serious eyes. “Mr. Kane.”

  He was back to Mr. Kane?

  “What’s up, honey?” He tried a smile.

  “What’s not up? You should probably leave him alone. He’s…. Fuck, he’s had a bad day, and he’s high as a kite, trying to fix it. He says everyone has to leave him alone.”

  The smile fled, chased off by the immediate frown. “Oh no. No, I think I need to see him.”

  “He’s really…. Some bad shit happened.” Bad enough to make Bev cuss.

  “Has he eaten?”

  She shook her head. “He flushed the shakes.”

  Markus’s mouth flattened into a tight line. “You go do your preshow stuff.”

  “Okay. Okay. Please don’t fight.”

  At this point, that was fucking inevitable. If Seb was freaking out and tweaking, it could kill their last show, and this was the one all the press would attend. He geared up to go in there and tear up Seb’s ass, even if he didn’t want to.

  The music in the bus was blaring—AC/DC screaming out. If that son of a bitch blew his voice….

  Markus slammed in, not giving Seb a chance to meet him at the door. “Are you crazy?”

  Bloodshot eyes stared at him, the bags under those green eyes big enough to pack for a three-week trek. “Yes!”

  “Baby—” He reached out, trying to get Seb to hold still a minute.

  “I can’t do this shit! Everything is fucking falling apart! Do you fucking hear me? Everything.” Seb was just… wild.

  “Seb.” He caught those flailing hands, pulling Sebastian to him. Then he shook the man a little. “What the hell is going on?”

  “She brought me the papers. I thought I could trust them, but I can’t, and I can’t deal with all of it without the pills, and I’m fixin’ to lose you too, and I’m not a fucking child!”

  “Then stop acting like one. Goddamn it, Seb, I won’t be able to be here all the time. Not until your contract is up. I have to know you can take care of yourself.” His chest hurt from the emotion pushing up in him.

  “I’ve been taking care of things. I have. I work hard.” Seb spun away from him, and a chair went flying, crashing into the wall. “I had it under control. I was doing it.”

  “Then why aren’t you doing it now?” He fought the urge to chase Seb around the room.

  “I’m stupid without the pills! I sleep all the time, and I’m fat! They’re stealing from me!”

  Christ. Markus didn’t know what to yell about first. The silliest thing, maybe. “You’re so far from fat it’s a little scary, baby.”

  “Jack asked me! I’d gained three pounds! People can tell!” There went another chair.

  “Bullshit. Jack is an asshole. So are the fuckers in the press.” Damn, he was tempted to toss a chair himself. Instead he pulled up to his full height, making himself a target.

  “I’m starting to need you, you fuck. Like all the time. You let me love you!” Seb came after him, almost roaring with rage.

  He caught that hard little body when Seb slammed into him, lifting the man right off his feet. “I had to. I love you too much not to.”

  “I’m so fucking scared, man.” And there it was, just as fucking bald and simple as could be.

  Markus found himself nodding. “I know, baby. God, I know it. Tell me who’s stealing from you.” Time for the bigger worry. Then the biggest. What the hell were they going to do about them? He’d been so careful over the years, had been the one to pull away.

  Now there was no way Markus could let go.

  He just had to pray Seb was with him, willing to work it, because losing this now would kill him.

  “We can’t figure it out, but there’s way more than ten million gone, man. That I can see.”

  The air burst out of his lungs with a surprised grunt. That was a drop in the bucket to a big machine like Sebastian Longchamps, but it was a huge amount of brazen stealing. Jesus. “Who?”

  “I don’t know! I don’t fucking understand.” Bloodshot eyes stared at him. “Fuck, man. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have time.”

  He resisted the urge to hug Seb now. First they had to figure shit out. “You think it’s Jack?”

  “Why would he fuck me? I’ve made him a shitload of money.”

  “People do stupid things.” He wasn’t making excuses. If he found out it was Jack, Markus would rip the man’s head off and shit down his neck.

  “I’d have given it to him.”

  That was the bad part. He knew that. Everyone knew that. Sebastian was generous to the level of ridiculous. He never turned down a friend. Never.

  “I know, baby.” He sighed, finally lowering Seb’s body to rest against his.

  “I had to take them, man. I had to. I can’t make it.”

  “I wish to fuck you had called me.” The urge to shake Seb teetered on the edge of his consciousness.

  “I can’t just lean on you for everything.”

  “No? It’s better to take pills?” Shit, he knew it. He was the one who’d just been screaming about how he couldn’t be there soon. What the hell were they gonna do? “I can call Tawny.”

  “I’m just… I’m not a fucking weakling. I was doing it. I was. And now I’m not.”

  “You’re not weak, baby. You’re overwhelmed.” Rehab sucked hairy donkey balls when you had nothing better to do than sit on your ass. When you had to keep all your balls in the air at the same time? Christ.

  Seb was the strongest son of a bitch he’d ever met.

  “Tell me I can call Tawny in, baby. At least she can help us look at shit, and no one will ask why she’s here.”

  “She’s your manager, Candy. Is that like a conflict?”

  Markus shook his head. “She’s my friend too. And she worries. I’m out to her, baby.”

  “I told Bev about you.” Like Bev didn’t know. Seb rolled his eyes. “Look, I know she knew, but I told her.”

  “That means a lot to me, baby.” It did. “Kyle knows too. About you, I mean. Not just about the other.” Silly, but he needed Seb to know he wasn’t ashamed.

  “Are…? What happens next? I mean, not with the money. With you?”

  “I don’t know.” He looked around, blinking at the mess in the bus. “Can we go sit?”

  “God, yes.”

  Seb led him over to the sofa, Seb’s clothes hanging off him, everything too loose, too odd. This whole situation was going to kill the man, and Markus didn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Maybe he could figure out how to travel with Seb a bit.

  How th
e fuck did this happen, that he ended up in love with somebody as fucked-up as he was? It wasn’t fucking reasonable, damn it, but he still…. Shit, he couldn’t just say he wasn’t in this balls-deep.

  Like Seb had heard him, read his face, the man sighed. “I’m not a fuckup. I’m not. I know you think I am—that I’m a goddamn weak loser, but I’m not. I just….” Seb’s shoulders slumped, his lover shrinking in front of his eyes. “Too many balls, too few hands. How long until the show starts?”

  “I don’t know.” He looked at his watch. “I’m on in about four hours. That gives you damned near seven.”

  “Okay. Okay. Okay.”

  He shook Seb a little, hoping to… shit, he didn’t know, reset the little fucker. Shake the brain in Seb’s head until something in the loop of “I suck” came loose.

  “Right.” Seb stopped, eyes closing. “Call Tawny. Please. Tell her I need… help. I have to figure out what to do. I’m supposed to fly out tonight, right after the concert.”

  “No. No, that we’ll change. I’ll get Bev on it. And I’ll call Tawny. Promise me no more pills tonight.” That was important. Seb was almost vibrating in his arms.

  “I promise. You’ll be there, here? Tonight?”

  “I will.” Come hell or high water, he would be there, and they would put their heads together and figure this shit out.

  “I’m not a loser. I just… I’m tired.”

  He bit back the fact that maybe if Seb ate, if the man wasn’t a good sixty pounds underweight, maybe he’d build energy…. That would just be bitchy right now, and Seb didn’t need that at all. “I hear you, baby. It’s been a long couple of days.”

  “Shit. It’s been a long couple of months. Damn good music, though.”

  “I’ve written more in the last two months than I have in two years.” They shared a smile; music was worth the pain.

  “We’re good at it.” Seb nodded. “Just think how well they’ll sell.”

  “Hell, yes.” As long as no one stole their shit right out from under them.

  He had to get Tawny down here tonight, and he had to figure out how to get Seb out of whatever he was supposed to fucking be doing tomorrow. That was the only way this whole mess was going to work.